What does it mean to begin again when you cannot leave your past behind? A personal reflection on Bereishis, teshuva, the desire to teach, and the difficult work of becoming someone new while carrying everything that came before.

What happens after Yom Kippur, when the confessions are over and Sukkos asks us to leave the security of our homes? This year, building a sukkah in Jerusalem while still tripping over boxes from our move left me thinking about vulnerability, the walls we build around ourselves, and what real teshuvah asks of us once the holidays are over.

We sometimes imagine that the more terrible we feel, the more sincere our teshuvah must be. But feeling terrible is not the same as becoming better. Teshuvah asks us to face what we have done, make the necessary repairs, and still believe that change is possible.

After years of helping others find their place on Rosh Hashanah, I’m preparing to enter the holiday without that familiar role and learn how to stand there myself.